So clear! As if I didn’t understand the consequences of my decision making. I suppose this should not surprise. As a culture, we seem to thrive on judging other women, whether it’s their appearance (see every best-dressed list, ever) or what they should be allowed to do with their bodies (cast a glance at the headlines regarding the precarious future of Roe v. Wade). We are deeply uncomfortable with the idea of women on their own, navigating their own lives, let alone liking it.
显而易见!好像我不懂自己的决定会产生什么后果一样。我觉得这没什么好令人惊讶的。作为一种文化,我们热衷于对其他女人评头论足,无论是她们的外貌(看看每次的最佳着装名单,等等);还是她们对自己身体的支配权(看看和“罗诉韦德案”堪忧的前景有关的文章标题)。我们对于女性能够独立生活并主宰自己人生的观念深感不适,更不必说赞同它了。
But, truthfully, it was the laughter that cuts to the heart of my diminishing patience on this topic. My life is full of deeply
meaningful relationships that go unrecognized when people tell me “not to worry.”
但是,坦白说,正是这些嘲笑刺痛了我的内心,我对于这一话题的耐心正在不断消退。我的生活中充满具有深刻意义的亲密关系,人们在跟我说“别担心”的时候却没有意识到它们。
I have chosen not to have children, just as I have chosen to be in
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the lives of those around me. I am Auntie Glynnis to many — and have the framed artwork portraits of my hair and school photo magnets to prove it. I am lucky to live upstairs from my oldest friend and her children — I get to do school pickups and nap time wake-ups. I have two nephews and a niece whose lives I’m
invested in. I attend birthdays, sports events and read them stories over FaceTime.
我选择不生孩子,正如我选择参与到周围人们的生活中去一样。我是很多人的葛林妮丝阿姨——这有画框里的艺术画像(画的是我的头发)以及压着学校照片的磁铁为证。我幸运地住在最好的老朋友以及她孩子的楼上——常常去学校帮她接孩子,帮她叫孩子们从午睡中醒来。我有两个侄子和一个侄女,他们的成长我都参与了。我出席他们的生日、体育活动,还会通过FaceTime给他们讲故事。
If close relationships make people happy, as research suggests, I’m lucky, and grateful, to be inundated with those. I’m, if not always the first, then the second emergency phone call for many friends (though when those happen simultaneously it can feel like I’m my own private 911 line).
如果正如研究表明的那样,亲密关系能够使人幸福,那么我感到自己很幸运,能够拥有这些关系,并且非常感激。对于很多朋友来说,就算我不是他们的第一紧急联系人,也是第二紧急联系人(尽管当他们同时有事的时候,我感觉自己成了私人911专线)。
I’m the confidante and sometimes the confessor, the Sunday
dinner guest, the person overwhelmed with holiday invitations. I’m the emergency contact on school forms, summer camp forms, hospital forms and the school “Share Day” invite list. These forms may seem negligible, but like all paperwork attached to our major relationships, they outline a life of love and gratitude.
我是很多人的知心好友,也不时聆听他们的忏悔,我是朋友们周日宴请时的常客,也是会在假期收到大量邀请的人。在学校、夏令营以及医院的表格中,我的名字经常出现在紧急联络人一栏,我还常常出现在学校“分享日”的邀请名单上。这些表格也许看起来无足轻重,但正如和我们那些主要关系有关的所有文件一样,是它们描摹出一个充满爱与感激的人生。
In the past I have joked that I have actually come closer to having it all than most. But that’s not true, either. There’s no such thing as
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“all.” I simply have as much and as little as any other woman I know and look forward to the day when women — single, married and otherwise — no longer need the words “husband” and “baby” to act as a special lemon juice squeezed over our lives in order to make them visible.
过去我常常开玩笑说,我比大多数人都更接近拥有完美人生。但那是不可能的。因为没有一种东西叫做“完美”。我和其他所有女人一样,拥有的东西不多也不少。我期望有那么一天,所有女人——无论是单身、已婚还是其他婚姻状态——都不再需要把“丈夫”和“孩子”这样的词作为让自己的人生引人瞩目的方式。
Though that too is changing. The other day my niece declared, “I want to be just like you, Auntie Glynnis! Single and no kids.” She’s 7, and has never needed to be convinced I have the life I want. 尽管如此,社会也在改变。几天前,我的侄女说,“我想和你一样,葛林尼斯阿姨!独身而且不要孩子。”她才7岁,我从不用去说服她,我的生活正是我想要的。
In the meantime, I have learned to enjoy everything I have. Including leftovers.
与此同时,我也学会了如何享受我所拥有的一切。包括剩菜。
The morning after my fateful dinner, I removed the takeout container from my fridge, cracked an egg in a frying pan and enjoyed my extra-decadent breakfast. I suppose it’s fair to say I was having my steak and eating it too.
就在那顿对我的人生产生重大影响的晚餐之后一早,我把带回来的打包盒从冰箱里拿出来,在平底煎锅里打了一个鸡蛋,享用我的超豪华早餐。既收下了牛排,又吃掉了牛排,公平地说,我真是把好处都占尽了 ==
40岁前请先掌握这些技能 Negotiating
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谈判
If the thought of getting into a debate with your boss over how much money you deserve makes you nauseated, you\'re not alone. If you\'re negotiating your salary, the best strategy both for getting what you want and still coming off as friendly is to ask for a range including and above your target number. For example, if you\'re aiming for a $100,000 salary, you\'d suggest a $100,000 to $120,000 salary.
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